Best Art Project Ever

You know how your kid brings home a million art projects each week?  And you sort of look at them and wonder what the heck you are supposed to do with them?

I know there are some moms who keep that stuff.  They have art boxes.  Or they put them up on some gallery wall.  I usually just try to throw them away when the kids aren’t looking.  And, well, that’s the key. There’s nothing quite like the broken heart a kid experiences when they find their cherished art work crumpled up on the top of the recycling bin.  And then you have to make up some elaborate story about how the art work must have jumped off the counter and into the garbage because there is no way in the world that you ever would have thrown that beautifully executed piece of art work in the garbage.  What kind of horrible mom do you think I am?!?!

Then, every once in a awhile, one of them brings something home that I think is pretty much the most awesome thing that I’ve ever seen in my life.  And that happened last week when my son brought home a Mother’s Day booklet thingy that he’d done in class all about me.  At first, I was scared.  Would he have shared some of my deepest, darkest secrets in this Mother’s Day book?  And then I remembered that I don’t really have any deep, dark secrets.

Here’s his little Mother’s Day book.  With some of my sarcastic commentary because, well, that’s what I do.

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I have never in my life worn a red dress, pink tights, and purple shoes.  Just sayin’….

 

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I’m not sure I’d say I like eating granola and yogurt.  I’d rather have an Egg McMuffin or a chocolate croissant.  Who wouldn’t?  But I do try to eat a healthy breakfast and granola and yogurt is one of my go-to’s.  I’m thinking those are raisins in my granola and yogurt, since the granola I use has raisins in it.  That or…?

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It looks like I’m cooking a bag of money in this picture.  I’m not sure what it is in my hand.  A tomato?  An orange?  I don’t usually cook with oranges so that would be weird.  Anyway, I’m clearly over-analyzing this one.  I love that he thinks I’m a good cook.  I’m not, but it’s cool that he thinks that.

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So here’s the thing.  I actually don’t really like playing board games.  I just feel like it’s a better use of our time than watching television or sitting around staring at each other.  Honestly, I feel like it’s something that I’m supposed to do so I do it.  I’m glad he hasn’t figured that out.

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This one seems really funny to me.  I’m feeling sorry for the kid who has a mom who doesn’t help him when he gets hurt.  But it’s cute that I get credit for this.  Score.

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And the award for most obvious 6 year old goes to…  No, so so cute.  I love you because you love me, too. Funny how that works.

 

Four Things I Never Thought I’d Say

These are four things I never thought I’d say. But then again I never thought I’d have a kid quite as unique (and crazy and wonderful) as this one.

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(1) Knock it off now, or I’ll take away all of your dresses and skirts for the rest of the week.

(2) Please stop talking about your vagina.

(3) No, you can’t have milk until you finish your french fries.

(4) You can’t watch both. You have to pick either Frozen or The Avengers.

(By the way, the photo above was taken at the Mother’s Day lunch at my daughter’s preschool last Friday.  It’s sort of an awkward lunch where the mothers all come and sit around the playground and eat wraps and chips and have cake.  But the kids think it’s the most magnificent thing that has ever happened and that makes it less about the awkwardness and all about having a lovely lunch with your daughter in the playground.  Of course, about 10 minutes into the whole thing, the kids are completely over the magnificence of the whole thing and end up running around the playground with their friends and completely ignoring their mothers and grandmothers.)

KID-ISMS: On Presidents and Ponytails and Moms

My daughter continues to crack me up.

KID-ISM ONE:  My daughter must have been learning about presidents at school recently, so she was giving me a little history lesson in the car and telling me everything she knew.

There was once a president named James Medicine.  There was also a President named Ibrahim Lincoln. His wife was named Michelle and he had a dog named Bo.

Uh, no.

KID-ISM TWO:  I also recently put my daughter’s hair up into one of those fold-over ponytail things…. just because.  I told her she looked like a little teenager and that we just needed to get her some black leggings and some big Ugg-y boots and make it official.

Later on that morning, as we were sitting down to breakfast with my son:

Look, Mom gave me a turtle ponytail.  

A turtle ponytail?!?!  What the…?  And that’s when I realized that perhaps she’d seen one too many cartoons…  Take a minute.  Teenage.  Turtle…  There you go.

KID-ISM THREE:  The other day while we were home playing and talking about what the kids wanted to be when they grew up, we were recipients of these very well-reasoned words of wisdom from my daughter:

When I grow up, I want to be a mom so I can make all the rules.

Amen, sister.  Amen.