(1) It’s important to remember to put the top on the Breville YouBrew Coffee Maker before you start brewing your coffee. Because if you don’t, you will end up with about 8 cups of hot coffee all over your counters, your cabinets, and your floors at 5:00 in the morning. Trust me. I know.
(2) You should not leave your computer sitting on a podium at a conference at a hotel on the other side of town after giving a presentation. Because then you’ll have to take a panic-ridden cab ride back to the hotel on the other side of town to find it. And, even if you do find it (thank goodness!), you’ll feel like a completely incompetent moron. And you’ll have a hard time understanding why the universe has trusted you with important things like * I don’t know * children.
(3) You should always be extra careful when you are sliding back in your office chair. Because, if you’re not, the pocket on your favorite pair of black pants may get caught on the chair handle and will rip beyond repair. And then you’ll be stuck wandering around with a ripped pocket (on your favorite pair of black pants) for the rest of the day. The only silver lining will be that your pocket didn’t rip before the presentation you had to give at the hotel on the other side of town.
(4) Husbands get grumpy when they break the little toe on their left foot just two weeks after having major wrist surgery. And it’s kinda funny being married to a limpy, gimpy, grumpy guy. And by funny, I mean not funny.
(5) It’s incredibly awkward when your son asks you what “mating” is when he’s reading a book about moles (not the body growth, the animal) and you have to make up some ridiculous story about how the male mole wanted to go fall in love and have a family with a lady mole. Like I said, awkward. And then you’ll wonder why the heck his First Grade teacher is sending home books that talk about mating (duh!) and then you’ll remember that this is the same teacher that sent home a worksheet about penises (see here).